It's not karma.

by - Thursday, March 19, 2009

currently: ehh....hehe.

I don't believe in karma.

Believing in Karma is like getting what you give. That for equal balance in the universe, if you do something bad to someone else, something bad will happen to you.
I don't think that's true.

What I believe is that "what you sow, you reap."
Yes, some people may believe that's pretty much the same as Karma. But this is with the deified One (aka God), rather than the laws of the universe.

I always think God is constantly putting people to the test. Which is fair enough, you gotta seem worthy enough to get to heaven if he's stuck with you for the rest of eternity. But God is always trying test your loyalty to him and how much you will rely on him to do his will.

I admit I don't always understand the injustice of why good things happen to bad people. But I understand the reality of why bad things happen to good people.

I always try to think I'm a good person. I know I'm far from purity, but I try my best. That's all God seems to ask me of.
And I am still human. So I do confess that I do have (many) moments where I slip up, then look back on that moment to realise "Hmm...yeah I could have done something better then."

Take a couple of hours ago. Got stuck doing rubbish duty with only me and 3 others friends in 6th period (during my favourite class - photography) and all I can think in my head is how unfair it is that we have to clean up rubbish around the whole school (well most of it anyway.)
So of course, I complain, cause well that's my initial reaction. When something is unfair, you complain in hopes you get a compromise that is fair for both parties.
Of course now I realise that my complaints are purely stupid. Plus I'm pretty sure my photography teacher was annoyed because I was being annoying. (I can admit that.) Yes it was just a normal reaction, but I should have thought about it more before I opened my big mouth and sound like a complete whinger.
Cause, let’s admit it. No one likes a whinger.

Then take afterschool. It was hot, I got stuck behind some slow year 11s or something walking about the back gate so I got annoyed all over again, and in my impatience, I attempted to cross the road with the main concern that I just wanted to get back home. And so I crossed one side of the street, thinking it was safe, only to find myself in the path of an oncoming bus.
Which as we all know isn't a very good path to try and cross.
But luckily, the bus had to slow down for the bus stop. But it couldn’t have been fatal in all my stupid concerns and frustrations.

And then I get home. Not wanting to walk up the front where some builder has left a ladder on the front stairs up to the roof, I go round the back way. Where I meet 2 lovely builders who welcome me back home, and tell me:
"Your bedroom has gotten a little wet."
"Oh. Really?"
*builders laugh* "We had to move around some of your stuff, but well I'm sure your mum can tell you all about it." *laugh*

Ceiling leaked during the big storm this morning. Figures.

So as I write this, I am sitting on the foot of my parents bed because that is probably the only safe "not-wet" room in the house (well that and maybe the living room but that's a little noisy). And I'm actually writing this in WordPad cause we currently have no internet, cause my sister's room is wet too (which is where the internet cables happen to be.)
But you know I felt the need to let my feelings out.

My feelings aren't really of anger, or frustration, or feeling that the world (and/or God) is totally against me.
My feeling is of acceptance. Because me getting angry over everything isn't gonna change the situation. And of course, God will always find a way to help me out. But right now I have a little regret in me...mainly cause I left my pjs and my bra on the bed when the builders removed all my bedsheets. So yeah...those are getting washed. XD

But I mean it's all about patience, perseverance, and a little willpower. Something I have to use more often.
And in all this stuff that has happen in the past few hours, there’s a little irony. I was checking out the wall where some of the stuff I'm bluetacked or stucked to the walls has gotten wet. (My Parachute and Flight of the Conchords posters are like the texture of dead leaves now.) And my heart shaped post-it with a certain bible verse on it was one of the only things that didn't get wet on the wall.
"Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you." - Psalm 55:22

So in this probably massively long post which I will copy and paste onto my blog once the internet is back on (or at least dry)...I have learnt about acceptance. And that honestly, God’s not wanting for bad things to happen to me. Nothing bad can ever happen because God is always working to make things better.
Like my house which will be freaking awesome once the building is complete.

That's all it is. Building up for something better.
No karma or laws of the universe will ever give me that.

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