2013 Grammy Fashion Review

by - Monday, February 11, 2013

currently: eating peanut butter chocolate. Can't stop.

I declare Gotye and Kimbra as Grammy 2013's most adorable photogenic couple.
My most awaited awards ceremony was significantly hampered by the new dress code set by the Grammys this year.

"Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible 'puffy' bare skin exposure."
Boo, no whore.

While I personally don't enjoy "assets" being flashed about in every day life, I feel the Grammys are one of the few places where it's acceptable. It's the combination of art, class and music that just calls for daring and extreme fashion (take a look at last year's extreme fashions for example). If you can't bring it at the Grammys, where can you bring it?

So despite the mediocre excitement of the Grammy fashion, here's my rundown of who shined, and who dressed blind.


Of course, if you've seen the top post, Grammy's cutest photographed pair went to Gotye and Kimbra, who's trans-Tasman collaboration of 'Somebody That I Used To Know' captured the world's music charts for more than an entire year.


Kimbra I've also crowded Best Dressed Hamiltonian and Best Dressed Kiwi. Mainly because I can't find a picture of Bret McKenzie. But Kimbra is adorable.

I can't say I'm a full fan of the blue tulle hanging off her dress, but the gold on her dress and her make up is flawless.

Best Coordinated Group shot goes to this group I've never heard of, Eli Young Band.

I just did a quick Google on the band. They're country, there's a guy with the last name Eli, and another guy with the last name Young, and they have a really nice song called 'Even If It Breaks Your Heart'. I just really like the way they've assembled themselves as a group. They've got a great colour scheme, but a bit of variation to match each personality. And their suits look good. Attractiveness always increases in a good suit (Boys, take note.)

The 'Most Like Bieber' award, for the white boy who attempts to have the most swag.

Justin Timberlake. Who's shiny suit jacket highly distracts me, like it was made out of noisy taffeta fabric. But I'll admit, he cleans up SO well it's hard to consider it worst dressed.

However, the Worst Dressed Male Nominees were plentiful.

(L to R)John Mayer - because I don't like his purple velvet suit jacket.
LMFAO's RedFoo - HE WORE SHORTS WITH A SUIT JACKET. NO.
Lupe Fiasco - because those are not shoes he is wearing...

But of course, Worst Dress Male goes to...

Chris Brown. No matter how you dress, your personality still remains to be the ugliest thing on the red carpet.

On a different note, Best Dressed Male went to this guy, who I barely know.
Mr Hunter Hayes, who is also 21-years-old like myself, but happens to be an emerging country star with three Grammy nominations (what have I been doing wrong...)
Hair, check. Well cut black suit, check. Black converse shoes, approved! Is it just me or am I getting a Doctor Who/David Tennant vibe from this? In which case, approved!

And I felt a mention must be given to Most Improved Male/Most Surprised Result.
LMFAO's SkyBlu. Who proves that with a nice hair cut and a well-fitted suit jacket, you can redeem some class. Not all class if you happen to be wearing shoes that belong to The Wicked Witch of the East, but it is a surprised improvement to what I would have expected (aka what RedFoo was wearing.) Well done for trying.

Now, on to the females...

For Most Predictive Outfit, the tie belongs to two people.
Nicole Kidman for wearing a dress I swear I've seen before. Except this time she's not caring as much. That hair is as flat as her forehead (with the amount of botox she seems to have had.)

And of course Taylor Swift. It's no shock horror that she's once again wearing a long flowy dress, wearing something that involves sparkle, wearing something that's one solid colour, and is wearing something that looks quite Greecian. Yes she looks nice, but like the same love story songs she writes, it's getting boring. Yawn.

The Award for Most Rebellious Attempt (aka the female who attempted to break the dress code) had a couple of stand out nominees.
Kelly Rowland. Who did try to show a heck of a lot of skin, boob curve, and left very little to the imagination. But the dress I reckon still looked stunning on her. The patterns just worked in all the right places, and there didn't seem to be any flash.

Jennifer Lopez. Who looked like she didn't want to break the rules, but still show as much skin as possible so she can maintain her 'Raciest Dresser' title. So her decision was to wear a black leotard, have a giant black sheet cover all the forbidden parts, and then flash as much leg as possible. Which wasn't really that flattering for her entire body, except for her leg which received all the screen time.

However the Winner for Most Rebellious Attempt has to go to one woman, who really took all the attention.
Katy Boo..I mean Katy Perry. Boobs.

Now we're narrowing it down. Best Dressed Female Nominees were hard to find this year. Maybe it's because I didn't get as much time to search out the talent, or maybe it's because a lot of the talent didn't turn up. But the nominees are...
Carrie Underwood. Who is really quite flawless and rarely does anything wrong. She looks polished, hair looks perfect, her dress accentuates a gorgeously balanced hourglass figure, and quite frankly she's like the American version of Kate Middleton. Poised and expensive looking.

Janelle Monae. Who really makes me wish I had enough sass and style to pull off a suit like that. And that really says something, she MAKES you want to wear a suit at one of the dressiest formal events in music.

But of course, there could only be one Best Dressed Female. And as soon as this came out, she was hands down Queen of the carpet.

Rihanna. Geez woman. That colour. That chiffon. Even the hair. Stop it girl.

And of course, to every stunner, there is a train stopper (if that makes sense).
There are many nods towards Worst Dressed Female Nominees.
Gulianic Rancic. For picking fabric that looks like she wrapped pantyhose around herself.

Kat Dennings. I adore this girl so it hurts to put her here. But I don't like her bubblewrap dress painted in sky blue. I just can't unsee bubblewrap. Win for the lippy colour though.

Lila Down. Not a clue who she is, but she looks like Pocahontas who pulled out an ugly quilt instead of her Indian costume.

Florence Welsh. Who was almost my worst dressed overall, for looking like the saddest lizard to ever walk the red carpet.

This was the hardest choice to make, and between this person, Florence, and J-Lo Leg-a-lot, it pains me that she's Worst Dressed Female. Drum roll please...
I'M SO SORRY ADELE. You usually look stunning, but you usually wear black. And the one time you strut out in something bold, it's completely wrong for you. You look like a busy Dutch doily. The sleeves, the fullness of the skirt, and you match the red doily with your shoes and earrings? Too much! Sorry Adele, I know you're trying to maintain class, but maybe keep to the one toned dresses for a while till you find a print that suits you much more.

And finally, the last award. The Lady Gaga Award. This year it goes to...
Not Lady Gaga. She didn't appear at the awards this year, which was a shame. But if any outfit were to be most like Lady Gaga, it would be Al Walser. Who may just be an electronic artist, but that outfit is most likely to hide Gaga than any other outfit available.

And that folks is my VERY long Grammy Awards Fashion review. Agree? Disagree? Let me know.
All I hope for is that next year's Grammys step it up a notch. Quit the dress code, bring back the daring looks and the ridiculous outfits. Tame isn't fun. Tame isn't memorable. And that's what these Grammys fashions have turned out to be.

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