Forget yoga, forget Zumba. It's therapy and exercise combined.

by - Friday, April 04, 2014

currently: listening to come classic Anberlin.


Are you emotionally frustrated?
Tired of bottling up your feelings?
Feel like running away?
Does the thought of going to a Yoga Festival to relax sound like the worst idea in the world?
Well have I got a solution for you that could change your life!


For the past few weeks, this has been me. Frustrated, exhausted, keeping all that tension inside and attempting to ignore those feelings. It's not a healthy lifestyle, and I'm not proud to admit it, but I've found myself at cracking point a few times.

It's hard to think of what that right outlet is to release all those feelings sometimes. I would read blogs of people who were eczema sufferers hoping to find thankfulness in my life. I've tried googling stuff about pilates or yoga to "find my centre" or whatever sort of crap they do. I even momentarily considered rejoining a netball team so I could have another round of being frustratingly pushed around in the back by the sweaty boobs of other females (this has happened more times you can imagine.)

But I haven't found complete solace in those solutions. However, on a walk home on one of my worst days, I had an idea which I think could be perfect for those like me who hate the idea of yoga, who can't really bare sweaty boobs, and just want to find that release.

It was a late afternoon after work, and I had just got off the bus. I put on one of my favourite songs, 'Sweetness' by Jimmy Eat World, and as I walked home all I wanted to do was run and scream the song at the top of my lungs. But of course, doing that in a suburban street who have suffered enough weirdos as of the past 10 years - it's not ideal to do.

I believe in the healing power of music, the therapy of singing, and the thrill of running away. How best can one put all these factors into one solution?

Presenting my million dollar idea: The Mirrored Soundproof Gym Box.



Just get into your Mirrored Soundproof Gym Box, face yourself, blast your music, run on your treadmill (or your exercise equipment of choice, I have an exercise bike) and scream your head off.

Imagine it, you could sing your head off to your favourite passionate rock anthems, flail your arms about, pretend you're beating the crap out of the drum beat, be your own encouragement, while exercising out all that excess energy, all at once! Just like this guy, but in a soundproof box so you don't have to hear him! (and his awful music tastes.)


Suck at singing? No worries!
Worried about people hearing you and your choice of music? Not a problem!
Want to sing and headbang and look ridiculous while doing so on an exercise bike? Me too!

Just face your reflection and move your legs and arms at great speeds until you either pass out or finally feel stable again. Around 30km on an exercise bike is a true sweet spot, while playing the favourites of alternative rock.


And do you know why this is better than Zumba or Yoga or any of those stupid exercise fads? Because you can play whatever music you want, and is perfect for angry people. You peaceful yoga ladies or those happy perky Zumba tightpants can just take a step in another direction. I'm not one of you at all.

Then soon Gyms can just be mirrored cubical boxes, and no more gross gym grunters. People will walk in frustrated and angry, but walk out feeling free and ready to take down the world.

Along with Nutella coated Kit Kat, I think this may be one of my best ideas this week. Ima copyright this and everything.

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