The ugly that was the 2015 MTV VMAs fashion

by - Monday, August 31, 2015

currently: listening to 'Ahead of Myself' by Jamie Lawson.

Me watching clips from the MTV VMAs:

source: MTV tumblr
The levels of cheap, tacky and awkward from this show were astonishingly high. But then again, if the event is hosted by Miley Cyrus, has posters that look like it was designed in MS Paint (someone actually paid for these designs?!), and has Kanye winning the most prestigious award VMAs has to offer - well I guess I should have expected that.

My friend did message me this afternoon while I was at work, telling me she hoped to see my VMAs red carpet review because there were so many things to talk about. And it's true, there was so much drama! But the problem is - where do you even start?

I need some time to get into talking about mostly-naked Miley... so let's begin with something a bit easy and start from the top, with Best Hair!
Tori Kelly is totally adorable. I've tried to give my hair volume when I go to parties and I just can't pull it off, nor will my hair let me. But she has hair goals that make a statement, and just make all her looks look pop-star ready. Plus the lace top/shorts combo is one of my favourite looks of the carpet.

Meanwhile, on the opposite scale - here's Worst Hair.
Justin Bieber, please explain. I thought we let go of those emo days in 2007. What is your hair doing, where is it even going? Are you lost Bieber? Are you in a life crisis? You seem like you're going in so many different directions - just like your tragic hair.

Award for Most Pep:
School Spirit would definitely go to Britney Spears who looks like he's dressed as a Las Vegas high school cheerleader. Sparkles and high pony tails all the time.

Best Double Denim Couple (to probably ever exist, ever.):
Remember when Katy Perry and Riff Raff dressed in double denim together in a sad Britney/Justin tribute, and the look was absolutely tragic? Pharrell and his wife do couple double denim the right way. And look adorable doing it.

Laziest Couple Award:
Kanye West, for wearing his bed sweater to the VMAs, and for dressing Kim Kardashian like his backpack. How do you people have so much money and still come out like this?

Biggest statement outfit:
Amber Rose and Blac Chyna are literally wearing statements across their chests. And while it's the most covered up I've ever seen Amber Rose, it's also the coolest outfit I've seen her wear. Completely embracing the negativity and showing it off without giving a care. Fierce.

Cutest Little Coachella Pixie:
Vanessa Hudgens who looks like she came out of the Tumblr #coachella #festival #fairy #hippy #flowerchild hashtag. And it's a sweet look. But someone needs to explain to me what's going on with her right hand. Why does it look like it's been swallowed by a flower?

Biggest Accessory:
Taylor Swift Squad, version 2. If two is a couple, three's a crowd, and five's a squad - what does 10 people make? Also, if Taylor Swift is leader of such a squad, she really should be applying the Bride and Bridesmaids rule to this - that the people who flank beside her look really ugly so that she can stand out more. Her outfit here is incredibly underwhelming. Selena's definitely the best looking of the bunch.

Oldest looking young person
Kylie Jenner who looks part robot, part grandma's old crocheted blanket. Barbie has better fake hair than Kylie does.

Youngest looking old person
Baddie Winkle. Aka Miley Cyrus's possible future?

Worst dressed finalists:
This year's worst dressed finalists are funny enough both models, which proves that just because you're a model doesn't mean that you make all clothes look good.
Gigi Hadid - even her smile looks forced as she poses in what is basically a yellow mustard mullet of dresses. Nothing says yikes like too much fake tan and togs with a cape.
Emily Ratajkowski - for losing half her leg in a tragic ugly boot accident.

But Worst Dressed Female needed to go to:
Definitely Kim Kardashian for thinking she'll be able to get away with wearing a 1940's army tent as a dress. Even if the dress does have utility pockets.

Now, for Best Dressed finalists:
Nicki Minaj - this look has been done so many times but Nicki Minaj actually looks like class for once. And it's the best she's looked for a while.
FKA Twigs - Cause I don't know why exactly. But her outfit, hair and overall look captivates me and I think she looks fab.

However, Best Dressed Female goes to...
Selena Gomez - for making Taylor Swift's squad look more like her own. Good for you. #SelenaGomezsongpun

And finally... you've probably been wondering why she hasn't appeared anywhere else on the list, so I present to you:
Miley Cyrus Award Rankings:
Usually this is the place where I acknowledge Lady Gaga's crazy style. But instead I'm going to rank Miley's outfits from the night as best to definite worst. That way you have some time to bail before you get to the end of the article...
#1 Miley's hippy trippy sparkly jumpsuit. Because it actually looks like a real piece of clothing.

#2 Miley's crocheted jumpsuit. She's actually wearing tights.
>

#3 Miley's square rainbow dress. Cause it's given her the most shape. (#pundrums)

#4 Miley's eye-popping dress. It may have been made of fabric scraps but at least it's half covered.

#5 Miley's sparkly wedgie jumpsuit. Does no one else feel uncomfortable when looking at her high cut leotards?

#6 The outfit Nicki Minaj sassed Miley in. Made funnier when Miley tried to twirl her dreads like an American sorority girl who didn't care - but clearly did.

#7 Miley's perfectly placed pom pom cut out dress. Because that certainly doesn't leave much to the imagination.

#8 Miley's red carpet chandelier. That no one wants to swing from.

#9 Miley's really ugly looking Spice Girls outfit. The pants say Sporty Spice. The top sports something that looks a little contagious.

#10 last and certainly the most least...
Ironically the ranking of best looks seems to be from most naked to most covered up. Coincidence?

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