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currently: Listening to 'Lucky' by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat (off 'We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things' by Jason Mraz)

"Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home some day"
[Lucky - Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat]

People like to rely on luck. I was always told that there's never such thing as luck, just God's will. But sometimes I wish there was a thing called luck. I wouldn't mind relying in some magical force to spread some random love my way to make things extra special. Cause sometimes I feel that God isn't hearing me. I'm gonna be 18 this year and I'm still unemployed. I thought I did seriously well on my Classics papers only to get 2 Merits and an achieved. I got an achieved for one of my English papers which makes me scared if I can go into the Uni paper this year. These stupid little things I wish I had luck on.

Yet again, my graphics and photography did get all Es and I got my NCEA Level 2 Achievement with Excellence. That graphics mark was so far from surprise.

I'm just ranting at the moment. So much worry is on my brain about the future. I'm honestly scared of it. As keen as I am for school to start, I don't want it to. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my time just sitting here on my bed, doing nothing except blog, take photos, and design stuff on the computer. Because I'm scared if things don't go the way I'm planning them to, what am I going to do?

"You're not bigger than this, not better. Why can't you learn?"
[Lucky Denver Mint - Jimmy Eat World]

I actually designed something the other day:

It was kinda inspired by all the talk of Gaza going round deviantArt. And when I was casually listening to the news and someone was saying how bombing Gaza would help bring peace.
I was looking at the mushroom clouds on the news and just the phrase "This is for peace?" popped into my head. So I made this. (original link)
I had to put the 'For' in as a '4' cause I thought it would fit better.

Anyway, a guy commented on it (you can see it on the original link) so that night I wrote a full song (hadn't done that in a while) and wrote this:

Blood on Your Hands - a song
I'm not choosing sides
I'm choosing justice
I'm not choosing sides
I'm choosing humanity and peace

I'm asking you
I'm not arguing
I just need a reason

Where is the solution?
It's not in your hands
Where is the freedom?
You took away the chance
Ignorance is bliss
But it's just a lie, it's just a lie
Where is the solution?
It's no the blood on your hands
Blood on your hands

I'm not bringing threat
I'm not the thief
I'm not bringing death
and you're not bringing relief

I'm caught onlooking
Your fighting with more sins
I am divided
And no one wins


The blood drips
It stains the lands
The clouds catch fire
And the hearts collapse


My friends on LOBH liked it. Infact I was incredibly flattered when one friend put the bridge lines on her facebook status.
I am actually ashamed right now that I worry and complain about silly things. Cause I do have a bunch of supportive people around me. I know that isn't through luck, but through God's will. Yet I still feel lucky that here in my country, I'm not caught in bombs or war or any other abuse that no one should be facing. Cause easily, God could swing things round.
*sigh* I'm just going through something right now. I was hoping that blogging would clear my head at the moment. Now it just makes me more confused why I keep feeling depressed and worried and everything else in between.

Maybe I just need to get busy. Do something.
I may just read to escape my thoughts that torment me now.
(Currently reading 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley. Very strange so far from the first chapter.)
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the very long blog if you so happened to read it. (To be fair, the last 3 were REALLY short.)
If you read this far, applause to you.

Much love.

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